Families are hurting, and many people have ideas about how to fix them. The diagnosis varies. Some say the problem is financial stress. Others say it’s too much screen time or a lack of parenting. Many say we’re too busy and don’t spend quality time together. They offer steps, strategies, programs, and plans. Whatever the difficulties may be, Satan is wreaking havoc, attacking the home.
I have counseled countless couples with hurting families over the years, many wishing to break up and all looking for advice. But giving advice, even in counseling, can be tricky. I have to keep in mind that I am not a fix-it man, and often advice is not really what they are looking for.
Prior to going into full-time ministry, I worked in public administration for twenty years. In my last ten years I was paid well for being the “answer man” for a small town in the San Francisco Bay Area. While that may have been expected and even appreciated in my former occupation, experience has taught me I need to carefully evaluate my opinions before offering advice to family and friends. I wish I had learned that bit of wisdom while I was a young husband and father who genuinely wanted to assist my family with personal decisions.
The Apostle Paul reminds us that there are appropriate times to share our views and opinions on specific subjects. We must check our motives and attitude, esteeming others and encouraging them with love:
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor (Romans 12:10).
Your speech must always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person (Colossians 4:6).
Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).
Listening is often a first step in building trust and rapport. It demonstrates respect. Sometimes what people really need is a friend who will listen. I love the Native American concept of “friend.” It goes beyond a casual acquaintance to “one-who-carries-my-sorrows-on-his-back.” Many times, when a person comes to us for advice, they want a listening ear and a caring spirit, someone to help them carry their sorrows. People usually don’t really care how much you know until they know how much you care. No matter what is broken, repairing relationships requires listening to God, listening to each other, and treating one another with love.
Scripture Reading: Philippians 2:1-5
Personal Application: Being Mr. Fix-it doesn’t replace a loving ear and tender heart. Most folks seeking our advice really want a physical and emotional shelter to help them weather out their emotional storm. The next time someone comes to you for advice, be curious. Ask them a few questions and genuinely listen.
Jim Grassi, D. Min.
We cherish any verse in Scripture that reminds us to keep focused and intentional about evangelism and discipleship. “But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.” 2 Timothy 4:5